


you can always be found

by chocolatebirdie



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, had a plot bunny about abby's return and this wrote itself, look its just how i write i cant help it, too many italics and hyphens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22928131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatebirdie/pseuds/chocolatebirdie
Summary: Clearly this dropping-by thing was not going to work. Everywhere Buck was, Eddie and his kid were with him. And she can’t imagine that Eddie would appreciate going out to lunch with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s ex.--Abby's back in LA, and she keeps trying to get in touch with Buck. The only problem? He's literallyalwayswith Eddie.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), buck/abby (past)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 617





	you can always be found

**Author's Note:**

> me posting you could write this love in stone: yeah this was probably a one off im not struck with inspiration very often
> 
> me, literally four days later, writing this thing in like three hours: oops
> 
> sorry for how much abby is in this... i dont even like her i dont know how this happened
> 
> title from home by philip philips. but like, the really slow version that glee did a mashup of with "homeward bound." dont @ me.

Abby smiles at the scene around her. It’s a beautiful spring day, the kind where everyone forgets about technology for a minute and kids go out to play with their friends, and their parents play with them. The sky is a brilliant, flawless blue, and the birds are singing like it’s some real-life Disney movie.

She looks around the nearest playground, watching the parents play with their little ones on the jungle gym. It stirs something melancholy in her – a sense of loneliness mingled with deep-seated desire. She traveled all over the world in search of herself, only to discover that what she really wanted she would never find gallivanting around: a home, a _real_ home, and a family. She was getting too old for that now; at least too old to start anew, with a baby.

It’s a fact she had spent the last few years trying to accept. It feels cliché to admit that she’s struggling to adjust to her approach towards middle age, but if she’s being honest, she had been for some time now. Perhaps that is why she chased after a boy some decade and a half younger than her. Sure, Buck was sweet, and smart, and thoughtful, but if she was honest with herself – she’d loved that he was _young_. Fun, adventurous, and just a teensy bit immature. It amazed her how much more alive she felt when she was with him, especially when she spent most of her evenings waiting for the Reaper to come for her mother.

She didn’t begrudge Buck for breaking things off after a while. She had been gone for more of their relationship than she had been present, and that was no way to be with someone. Not when Abby didn’t have the energy or presence of mind to make up for the physical distance. Still, she likes to think that they ended things on good terms, all things considered. Buck doesn’t know she’s back yet, but she’s looking forward to calling him and catching up. She’ll be happy as long as he’s happy, but she’d be lying to herself – something she’s been trying to avoid as of late – if she doesn’t say a part of her hopes he’s single. Buck reminds her of the joy and simplicity of youth, and his bright smile and kind heart made loving him easy as breathing.

She smiles to herself as she watched one particular boy on the playground. He’s maybe seven or eight, with light brown hair and glasses that strapped around his head. He walks impressively quickly for a boy with crutches and some kind of motor dysfunction. He moves like nothing could stop him, and Abby admires him. A boy that confident had been raised right, and was well-loved. She wishes she had a child to adore like that.

After a few minutes the boy steps off the playground, making a beeline for one of the benches off to the right. From this far away, Abby can’t make out the details of his parents. She sees two men hug him, an arm on each side of him, chatting away. One of them looks blond, the other brunet, both with their hair cropped short and muscles that Abby is more than a little impressed by. The blond one turns around to pick up his things from the bench and put them a bag.

“Swing me!” The boy calls.

The blond turns his head to smile at the boy, and – finally, Abby gets a good look at his face.

Buck.

She’d know that smile anywhere. And now that she’s looking for it, she easily spots the tattoo rung around his right arm. She even thinks she can spot his birthmark from here – though perhaps that’s just her memory playing tricks on her.

She can’t believe he was here, at the same time she is, when she hasn’t even been home a full week. The coincidence is too great to ignore; she has to go talk to him. She takes a few steps toward him before she stops sharply in her tracks.

Buck has a bag slung over his shoulder, and the other man has the little boy’s crutches in one hand. Between them is the boy, clutching both of their hands while they swing him off the ground every couple of steps. If Buck would look up ahead, there’s no way he’d miss Abby. But he doesn’t. He smiles down at the boy every time they swing him, and then up at the other man when the boy breaks out in peals of laughter. He looks happy – he looks _radiant_. Abby’s not sure what’s going on, but she knows she would never feel comfortable interrupting. This almost looks like a private moment between a – a _family_.

She turns around before Buck can see her, and walks in the opposite direction, determined to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day. There will be plenty of time to catch up with Buck, she tells herself.

If she swipes at a tear or two on her way to her car, no one else needs to know.

* * *

Abby and Buck did not stay in touch after they broke up. But since Buck was moving out of her apartment, she had asked that he just let her know his new address, whenever he got the chance. She didn’t hear anything back for a long time, long enough that she thought he just wasn’t going to follow through. She should have known better; she got a text, late last year, with nothing but a link to Google Maps.

She looks at her phone now, comparing her screenshot to the building she sees in front of her. It looks modern. Nice. It looks like just the place Buck would want to live, carefree and casual as he starts to exit his twenties.

She gets up the courage to knock on his door. She has no idea what his schedule is, but she didn’t want to surprise him at the fire station right off the bat. She figures if nothing else, she can slip a note under the door. It feels more personal than a text.

She must be in luck, because she hears motion behind the door. It takes an unexpectedly long time before the door is opened, and it only takes a split second to figure out why.

“Buck!” The little boy from the other day calls. He stops and stares up at Abby. “You’re not Buck,” he says accusingly.

“Neither are you,” she says, smiling at him. She’s a little confused as to why this boy is answering the door all alone. Surely that’s not entirely safe?

“Buck?” She hears a voice call from the other room. A moment later, a man rounds the corner. Her first thought is that she’s glad no one left this child unaccompanied to answer the door. Her second is that the man is the same from the other day. Her third is that she’s getting very, very confused.

“Not Buck,” the man says eventually.

Abby laughs uncomfortably. “Yeah, we were just figuring that out,” she says. “Are you looking for him, too?” Had she gotten the wrong apartment, somehow? Or had these people let themselves in to wait for Buck to come home from work?

“Oh, no,” the man says with a laugh. “No, we know where he is. We’re just anxiously waiting for him to get back with the pizza.”

“And video games,” the little boy chimes in.

“And video games,” the man echoes, smiling at his son and ruffling his hair. To Abby, he explains, “Buck tried making us dinner and it didn’t go quite according to plan. Pizza was his back-up. He’s been gone for a while, so we were hoping you were him, with an arm full of pizza boxes.”

Abby chuckles awkwardly. She has no idea what to say. She feels like she’s intruding and she’s not entirely sure why. “No pizza here, sorry,” she says after a pause.

“Well,” the man says slowly, seeming to sense her discomfort. “Buck should be back any minute now. Or I can tell him you stopped by?”

“Uh – no, no that’s alright, I’ll try again later,” she rushes out. “Don’t – you don’t need to tell him I stopped by, that’s fine. I’ll catch him one of these days.” Without another word, she ducks out of the doorway, smiling briefly at the little boy as she goes.

“Daddy, who was that?” she hears him ask from behind the door.

“I’m not sure, buddy,” the man says. “But let’s clean up before Buck gets back, okay? He made a mess in the kitchen earlier.”

Abby listens as their voices fade away, until all she hears is a low murmur of the TV and some _clinks_ and _clanks_ of pots and pans. Whoever these people are, they’re father and son, and they’re clearly close with Buck. Close enough to go to the park with him, to wait in his apartment while he gets them food. To _clean_ his apartment for him, because he made a mess trying to cook them dinner. She’s not sure what to make of it.

Abby walks away before she can get caught lurking.

* * *

A week goes by and, when Abby hears nothing from Buck, she tentatively hopes that the man stayed quiet about her surprise visit to his place. She’s not sure why she feels so awkward about having been there, but something about her presence felt wrong. Maybe it was just because it was unfamiliar to her, or because Buck wasn’t actually there. Either way, she decides she must turn to her last resort to catch up with him.

She shows up at the 118 early in the morning – early enough that, hopefully, no major crises have befallen the area yet. When she peers in, it looks like the trucks are there, so she figures they must not be out on a call.

She walks in shyly, eyes roaming all around the building for Buck. For all that everything seems to have changed since she left, this is the one part that has stayed the same. Sure, there are a few unfamiliar faces, but everything has the same feel, the building alive with the same smells, sounds, and warmth it always has.

“Can we help you?” Someone eventually asks her. She turns to look at him.

“Chimney?” she says. She almost can’t believe he’s still here. It feels like the first familiar face she’s seen in months – up close, anyway.

“ _Abby_?” To say he sounds shocked would be putting it mildly. “What are you doing here?” he asks, not unkindly.

She’s sure he knows why he’s here, but he’s kind enough not to assume. “I was looking for Buck, actually,” she says sheepishly. “He’s somewhat hard to track down these days, and I wanted to tell him I’m back in person.”

“He and Eddie have the day off,” she hears a woman say, walking up towards them from behind one of the trucks.

“Hen,” she smiles. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” Hen replies, although there’s something just the slightest bit off about it. Something in the pinch of her face, the set of her shoulders.

“What did you say about Buck?” she asks, not caring if it sounds a little pathetic.

“He and Eddie have the day off,” Hen repeats. “They took Chris – Eddie’s son – to the zoo.”

“They’ve had some pretty opposite schedules lately, but Cap made sure they had the day off together ‘cause there’s some kind of new exhibit opening up that Chris was really excited about,” Chimney adds, shaking his head fondly. “That boy has ‘em wrapped around his little finger, I tell you.”

“That’s what happens when you have kids,” Hen says. Her smile is soft, private. “They’re your whole world.”

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t know what I’m missing,” Chimney dismisses with a wave of his hand.

Neither seem to be paying attention to what they are saying – or what they’re implying. It’s clear that none of this is revolutionary to either of them. Buck is a package deal with this Eddie and his son – obviously the men Abby’s seen at the park and his apartment.

She thinks about the Buck from two years ago, who didn’t want to meet her in person because he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from sleeping with her. The man who didn’t know how to be in a relationship because he’d never had one. The man who – though he probably would have never admitted it to her – resented the fact that she had responsibility, that she would put nothing above her mom.

It occurs to her that, of all the changes to LA in two years, perhaps Evan Buckley was the biggest one of all.

* * *

Before she leaves the station, Abby makes sure that Chimney and Hen aren’t going to mention her visit to Buck or Eddie.

“I just want to be the one to tell him,” she explains. _And I don’t need his boyfriend thinking I’m stalking them,_ she thinks.

Chimney and Hen, both too tactful for their own good, agree without any questions asked. She leaves with a quick “see you around,” that she doesn’t entirely mean, and goes home to think.

Clearly this dropping-by thing was not going to work. Everywhere Buck was, Eddie and his kid were with him. And she can’t imagine that Eddie would appreciate going out to lunch with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s ex.

She was just going to have to call Buck.

* * *

_“This is Buck, please leave a message.”_

“Hi, Buck,” Abby begins hesitantly. She hopes that the call went to voicemail because he’s working, or asleep, and not because he’s screening her calls. “It’s me. I just wanted to let you know I’m home – I’m back. In LA,” she adds unnecessarily. “I was hoping we could catch up sometime, get coffee or something.” She barely stops herself from adding _just the two of us._ There was no need to be possessive, and she didn’t have any right, anyway. If Buck wanted to bring Eddie and the kid, she . . . she’d figure it out. Somehow.

Almost a full week goes by with no response, and Abby can admit she’s more than a little disappointed. It’s not that she thought there was still a chance there – one look at Buck with Eddie and their kid was enough to make Abby realize she was too late. It’s just that everything between them always felt a little – unfinished, because of the way they left things. The way she left things – left him.

So she’s more than a little surprised when she sees Buck’s name flashing across her screen; in fact, she nearly drops her phone in the process of answering it.

“Buck,” she breathes. “Hi.”  
  
“Hey, Abby,” Buck murmurs.

“How – how are you?”

“I’m good.” She can hear his smile through the phone. “Really good. Uh, a lot – a lot’s happened in the last few years but I think I’ve finally got it sorted out for once.”

He sounds content and at peace in a way she’s never really heard from him before. There’s a maturity in his voice that doesn’t surprise her, exactly, but it’s still somehow not what she expected.

“I’m glad to hear it,” she says quietly. Somehow it feels like speaking too loudly will break the moment, the importance of this conversation.

There’s a stagnant pause. “Listen, Abby – ”

“Can we talk?” she interrupts. “Coffee or – something? Just to catch up. I know I’ve missed a lot.”

Buck is quieter for longer than Abby is entirely comfortable with. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Abby,” he hedges.

“Buck,” she pleads. “Just one conversation. We don’t have to make it a regular thing. I just – I want to – ” _Explain. Apologize. Be forgiven._ “Talk. Just talk.”

Another pause. “Okay,” he says eventually. “Name a time and a place.”

* * *

Buck looks _good_. It’s the only thing Abby can think when she’s walking over to him at the diner. He’s not dressed particularly fancy – jeans and a Henley – but it never took much, for Buck. He had an effortless beauty to him, the kind of person who’s never had to struggle to make girls weak at the knees.

Or boys, she supposes.

They do an odd half-hug, half-shoulder-pat greeting when she gets to the table. The waiter is there before she can even take off her coat to get their drinks, but then it’s just them. For the first time in two years.

“You look good,” Buck says after a moment. He smiles at her, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You too. You always do,” she admits.

Buck chuckles awkwardly, looking down at the table as he scratches his forehead.

“Maybe European guys just messed with your perception,” he eventually gets out. The joke lands a bit awkwardly, but she laughs anyway, and the conversation flows easily enough from there.

Abby would have thought she’d have the most interesting stories to tell about her time away, but she cannot believe all of the mishaps Buck has told her about. “Let me get this straight,” she says, index finger pointed up in the air. “You were crushed by a truck, threw a PE, and then were in a tsunami? Are you sure you’re not cursed?”

Buck laughs loudly. “Honestly, I’m not sure, sometimes. I mean, there was also the earthquake, and the bomb – ”

“The _what_?”

“ – And let’s not forget the choking incident,” he finishes.

Abby winces. “Not the best first date of my life.”

“Mine either,” Buck agrees. “But I liked all the dates after.” He smiles at her, most of the sadness of the earlier conversation out of his eyes. He had accepted her explanations and apologies with ease and grace, and she hopes this lunch will help him as much as she knows it’s helped her.

“You said you were with a little boy during the tsunami,” she starts, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She’s wading into dangerous territory, but she’s too curious not to ask. “Was it – was it Eddie’s son? Your boyfriend?”

“My – who? What? Wait, how do you know who Eddie is?”

Abby flushes. “I saw you guys,” she admits shyly. “At the park. And then – I stopped by your apartment, and they were there – and at the firehouse, Hen and Chimney said you were all at the zoo – ”

“Wait, _what_?” Buck stutters. “You – were you stalking me?”

“No!”

“You just happened to – ?”

“The park thing was an accident,” she explains, voice pleading with him to believe her. “And then I – well, I did kind of show up at your apartment, but you weren’t there and I thought it’d be awkward to be waiting for you, so eventually I decided to try the firehouse, but Chimney and Hen said you were at the zoo with Eddie and his son, so I just. . . decided to call, in the end.” She looks down at her food meekly, feeling a bit like little girl caught by her parents doing something she shouldn’t.

“Why didn’t you just call in the first place?” he asks. He shakes his head as soon as it’s out. “Never mind. You’re – I think you got mixed up, Abby. Eddie’s not my boyfriend.” He laughs like the idea is absurd.

Abby is more confused now than when she first realized Buck was dating a man. “Are you sure about that?” she can’t help but ask.

“Am I – what?” Buck squints his eyes in confusion. “What do you mean? Of course I’m sure.”

“Buck,” she says gently. She reaches a hand across the table to place it gently on his. “You hold hands with his kid at the park. You have him and his kid over for dinner. Hell, you _cooked_ them _dinner_.”

“Not successfully,” Buck grumbles.

Abby ignores him. “And you spent your day off with the two of them at the zoo.”

“Eddie’s my best friend, Abby.” Buck’s shaking his head like he can shake out the thoughts she just put there. “And he has a son, who I care about very much. We spend a lot of time together, that’s it.”

“Buck,” she repeats, even gentler this time. “I saw your face, when you looked at them. I know that look, Evan Buckley.” She smiles sadly at him. “You love him.”

Buck swipes his thumb, index and middle fingers over his eyes, and doesn’t open them for some time. When he finally does, she can see the slightest sheen of tears in the corners.

“You don’t get to show up after two years and act like you know me, Abby.” His voice is icier than it’s been the whole time they’ve been talking.

“Buck – ”

“I’m a different person,” he continues.

“I know,” she whispers.

“So why are you – ”

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really thought – ”

“Well, you thought wrong,” he snaps. “I need to go.”

“Buck,” she tries.

“I’m sorry.” He stands then, taking his check to the counter to pay. He walks out quickly, doesn’t look back at Abby once.

Abby was just trying to make amends, and she somehow managed to screw things up even more.

She sighs heavily, dropping her head down on the table.

* * *

Abby, slowly, starts to pick her old life back up again. She learns that Buck’s sister effectively took her place at the call center. She doesn’t mind – obviously the spot needed filled – but she doesn’t feel right returning, even when they tell her a new spot’s opened up. She thinks she’s interfered in Buck’s life enough as it is.

She gets a desk job she’s not particularly excited about, but it pays the bills while she looks for something better. She goes out with Carla nearly every week. Carla doesn’t say much about it, but she knows she’s babysitting Eddie’s son whenever she can’t make it. It’s something they’ve silently agreed not to talk about.

She tries going on a few dates, but none of them feel right. She wants to meet someone naturally. She wants to fall in love with someone she already knows, someone she doesn’t have to go through the awkward get-to-know-you process with.

She doesn’t run into Buck anymore. LA is a big town when you’re not actively looking for – okay, fine, stalking – someone. She’s a little disappointed she doesn’t get to apologize (she refuses to call, knowing she will probably be ignored), but mostly she’s relieved. Losing Buck a second time hurt more that she cared to admit. She doesn’t know what she’d do if she saw him again only for him to point-blank reject her.

* * *

The funny thing about love is, it happens when you least expect it – when you’ve finally stopped looking for it.

Brian is funny, handsome, and sweeter than candy. He’s a nurse, because Abby supposes she has a type. He has a six-year-old daughter named Evelyn that Abby falls in love with instantly.

When he proposes, she thinks she could never be happier than in that moment. That is, until Evelyn hands her a plastic ring to go with the gold one.

“She wanted to be able to give you one, too,” Brian explains fondly. Abby hugs them both and wonders how on earth she got so lucky.

* * *

It’s another beautiful day in LA. Abby and Brian are holding hands walking through the park while Evelyn skips ahead of them, picking at dandelions as she goes.

“Daddy!” she yells. “Dad, there’s a park!” She spins around to face them, nearly tripping as she tries to walk backwards. “Can I go? Please please please _please_?”

“Go on,” Brian laughs. “We’ll catch up in a minute, okay? Don’t go where we can’t find you.”

“Yay!” she squeals, sprinting to the jungle gym that just came into their line of vision.

Abby hasn’t been to this particular park in almost two years, ever since she spied on Buck. To be honest, she’d avoided it for some time. Now, though, she can’t think of anything other than her fiancé and her sweet baby girl, and how happy she feels to finally have a family of her own.

She looks between Brian and Evelyn, and she feels radiant. Nothing could pull her from this moment.

But if she had looked away, she would have seen a boy with brown hair, glasses strapped around his hair, walking with crutches; a few inches taller than he was a few years ago.

She would have seen that he walked ahead of two men as he headed for the jungle gym.

She would have seen the two men – one blond, one brunet - kiss briefly, sweetly, holding each other gently in their arms.

She would have seen the boy turn around and make gagging noises at them, teasing them while they laughed at him.

She would have seen the two men pick the boy up and spin him around and hold him close, pecking him on both cheeks.

She would have seen another family, not so different from hers. Happy. Goofy.

Loved.

**Author's Note:**

> this is what i want from abbys return @911 gods please. (minus the flash forward part cause this isn't "this is us" but i couldn't help myself)
> 
> apparently i have a thing for people telling buck he's in love with eddie lmao
> 
> come yell at me about buddie (or tarlos) on here or [twitter](http://twitter.com/kiwiiesbian)
> 
> p.s. thank you so much for all your kind words on my other buddie fic, you guys have been so welcoming :'))


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